A couple of years after my Grandma died, I was reading a book put out by one of the scrapbook paper companies, in which they had published the winner and the ten finalists of their latest scrapbook contest. Apparently, every year they had this contest and the winner won $10,000.00. The ten finalists each won $100.00. The winner's scrapbook was published in it's entirety, and the finalist's books were each featured, in this yearly book. I was immediately taken with the idea of making a book about my Grandma to enter in the contest. The prize money was not important to me. What I wanted was to have my book published. I felt like it would be a way to preserve my Grandma's story and history. I feel like I know her better than a lot of people did but, since I have no children, her story would die with me. I desperately wanted others to know her, to appreciate her, and to remember her. I put my heart and soul into making that book.

To this day, it is the scrapbook that means the most to me. I told about Grandma's family, her courtship and marriage to my Grandpa, her job, things she'd taught me, things we'd done together, the surprise party we all threw for her 80th birthday. I ended it all by telling about watching her deteriorate and die from the complications of breast cancer. It was gut-wrenching. It was joyful. It was emotional. I carefully made color photocopies of all of the pages and bound them to send them in with my entry form. The company who was sponsoring the contest would look at all of the photocopied entries, then contact the ten finalists and the big winner. I waited impatiently for the date that the winners would be announced. I felt certain that my book would be one of the ones that would be published.

The date of the announcement came. To my dismay, I did not receive a phone call or an e-mail. A few days later, the company posted the winners on their website. My name was not there. I was devastated. I cried and cried. I felt like I had let my Grandma down. I felt like I'd lost her all over again. I e-mailed the sponsors and asked if they could just give me some feedback. Why had they not chosen my book? How many entries had their been? What were they looking for? The answers came back: There had been only 100 entries. My book had not been chosen because they "Did not feel that the story was emotional enough." I couldn't believe it! The story of my Grandma raising me all alone and then dying of cancer right in front of me was not emotional enough??? What kind of cold, calloused individuals were these people??? I also felt ashamed that, with only 100 entries, I had a 1 out of 10 chance to be in the book and I didn't make it. I have not purchased scrapbook materials from that company since.

This year, ten years after my Grandma's death, I entered my scrapbook about her in our local county fair. It won first prize in the scrapbook division. Today I got a check from the fair for $7.00--my prize money. It made me chuckle when I opened the envelope. The money still doesn't matter. What matters to me is that someone, or some people, read my book and thought it was good.

My Grandma's stories probably will die when I do. That is sad. But I will spend the rest of my life trying to live as a memorial to her. All of the good things about me I owe to the gospel of Jesus Christ and to my Grandma. She taught me to sew, crochet, lead music, teach children, sing alto, pray, serve, love beauty, make lovely things from the cast-offs of others, love reading, and express my creativity. She was not perfect. Neither am I. But I try each day to make her proud of me and to honor her.

I love you, Grandma!