It has been a long time since I've been this depressed.  I guess that feeling like you have no control over your life and that almost everybody you know doesn't REALLY give a damn about you and is only using you to get what they want will do that to a person.
I would give anything right now to be able to find a job that I would love, that pays fairly well, and has decent benefits.  I know I probably can't find one that pays what I am making now, but a drop in pay would be worth it if I could feel like anybody at that job cared at all about me and would give me just a bit of respect. I guess that if Iived in a large city, there might be a small hope of being able to  find  something, but here in this hellishly hot, tiny place full of people with tiny brains and a hugely inflated sense of their value on this earth, where they think that you are worthless if you weren't born in freaking Holtville, there is very little chance.  I just pray that Roger really will be able to retire in a couple of years and that we van move away.  Even if I still had to teach in the new place, at least I would be away from here.  But, let's be frank, even if he does retire, we will never be able to move. We would have to get both of our houses cleaned up and sold and there is no way that that will EVER happen.   So I am at the mercy of these stupid farm people who have no reason to think they are God's gift to the earth, but do so anyway.and who delight in  seeing how rude and unfair and bitchy they can be to me! The hatred I feel for them right now is alarming.